For parents

I am not your enemy.

If your child is autistic and you want a better life for him or her, I am not your enemy. I want a better life for all autistic people. However they communicate, however well or poorly they score on standardized tests. Whether or not they have medical problems in addition to neurological differences, whether the diagnosis is autism, Asperger syndrome, PDD-NOS or something else altogether, I want the best possible life for every person on the spectrum.

By “better life” I mean physical and mental health and I mean freedom from harassment and discrimination and institutionalization. I want respect for your child and accommodation as needed and I want them to have jobs if they want jobs and friends and partners if they want that. I want your child to be happy and healthy.

By “healthy” I do not mean non-autistic. Autism is a lifelong neurological condition, not a disease.

I have never opposed the legitimate treatment of legitimate medical problems. Most children and adults go to the doctor when they are ill. I object to the characterization of autism itself as an illness. I object to the treatment of intestinal problems being characterized as “curing autism” and I object to the marketing of expensive, experimental treatments to desperate parents. More than that, I object to parents being told they should be desperate.

If you have a child who is autistic, I object to people saying that your child has no soul, or is a train wreck, disaster, walking nightmare or empty shell. I know that your child is a valued human being. I know, too, that you want the best for him or her.

I am all for teaching kids to communicate. What I object to is that teaching and learning for autistic children are packaged and marketed as “therapy”, while teaching for non-autistic children is called “teaching." I disagree with anyone who believes that speech is the only “real” way to communicate. I think that children need time to play and relax as well as time to study and learn.

When your child grows up, unless I am mistaken, he or she will still be autistic. I want a safe and accepting world for the adult (s)he will become. I want a world where people will employ her, take him out to dinner, appreciate them for who they are. I know that many people will see this as foolish and naïve. I’m okay with that.

But I am not your enemy. If you have a child on the spectrum and are hoping to cure him or her, hoping to get rid of the autism, I don’t want to argue with you. Most likely, you and I don’t even use the word “autism” to mean the same thing. If you are one of these parents working to change your child, know that I am working, too. If your quest to change the course of autism fails, perhaps the quest to change societal attitudes will fare better. In which case, your autistic child might have a less hostile world to live in.

That is why I do this.