Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Siblings of Neurotypicality Suffer the Most: A Holiday Letter from Squawkers McCaw

Hello. I’m Squawkers McCaw, and I am a Sibling of Neurotypicality. While my brother Durwood is the one officially labeled with the disorder, I am here to tell you that the entire family is affected. The impact is especially evident this time of year. Like many NTs, Durwood shows signs of regression and acting out around the holidays. These are technical terms, and I’ll leave it to you to look them up. Let me explain what I’m squawking about…
To most normal birds like me, every day is about the same. Sure, I get a little excited when I think about getting the trench coat I asked Santa to bring me, but that just means that I repeat the words “trench coat” quietly to myself while rocking back and forth. Durwood, on the other hand, has issued a long list of demands, and while he believes in the superstition that being extra “good” will increase his chances of receiving piles of toys, electronic gadgets and gift cards, his ability to be good decreases with each day as the 25th of December draws nearer.
Last night, Durwood went to a Christmas party while I stayed home and read a book about British soldiers in World War I, who were the first to wear trench coats. I was so relieved that I didn’t have to go the party, but I felt bad for my brother. When he came home, he had new toys with him (they all make noise!) and a new list of things he says he will need because, “everyone has them.” It seems that the $100 LookSilly slate blue sneakers he had to have just last month are now “bogus” and will need to be replaced by the new LookSillier version in cobalt. He also reported that last year’s eight wheeled skateboard is now “so not cool” and that he will require the Older But Newer brand Beaky Lasek model. He acted like he was on something (probably sugar), nearly foaming at the mouth as he recalled every detail of the party, including haberdashery habits, courtship behaviors, and the forms of music related movement rituals performed.
It is because of Durwood that bells are hanging everywhere. Every time someone opens the door, I startle; it can take quite awhile to get back to work on my research. Humphrey Bogart wore a trench coat in Casablanca. Also, there is a tree inside our house! It smells…well, like something that should be outdoors. When I step on a pine needle in the middle of my own living room, it feels like I’m being stabbed with a knife. These things don’t bother Durwood; he has sensory deficiencies. To make room for the tree, the humans here moved the sofa 8 inches closer to the door and rotated it 22.5 degrees. It is hard to be comfortable in a place where such meaningless novelties are tolerated.
Worst of all, a neighbor brought by something called a fruitcake last week. I was told I had to try a piece to “be polite” but I don’t think the neighbor was impressed with my manners when I gagged and then regurgitated on her new coat. It was not a trench coat, but I still had to go to my cage for the rest of the night. Durwood got away with wadding his piece up in a ball and throwing it at the wall. It was so playful, so “just like a neurotypical kid” they said. Sometimes I do resent the special accommodations he gets. Just sayin’.
As you can see, these behaviors take a toll not only on parents who must bear the burden of additional expenses, but on normal siblings like me who need peace and quiet to study the advantages of single versus double breasted trench coats. As far as other gifts, please don’t bother. I like the things I’ve always had. They comfort me. This is the end of the holiday letter.
Squawk,
S. McCaw

23 comments:

  1. "haberdashery habits, courtship behaviors, and the forms of music related movement rituals performed."

    My favourite line in the whole post.



    I have a trench coat. It's tan, and double-breasted. Trench coats are awesome...

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  2. This is awesome.

    Personally, I loved this line, because it's so true and yet people don't even see it as such:

    It was so playful, so “just like a neurotypical kid” they said. Sometimes I do resent the special accommodations he gets. Just sayin’.

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  3. :( The poor dears who are so burdened and traumatized by having to deal with family members with such an affliction....

    I liked this line best too: "haberdashery habits, courtship behaviors, and the forms of music related movement rituals performed."

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  4. It is so difficult as the parent to not make the entire family focus on the one with the disorder, but to make sure to take plenty of time and focus for the others.

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  5. Ha ha ha!

    I especially loved this line:
    "It seems that the $100 LookSilly slate blue sneakers he had to have last month are now 'bogus' and will need to be replaced by the new LookSillier version in cobalt."

    I like trench coats, too, only of the more recent, "Matrix" variety in black leather.

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  6. I enjoy your sarcasm so much. It is riveting. People fuss so much over their autistic children only because of the label. I see absolutely rotten NT children getting away with stuff, not pottee trained until 6 or above which in autism is apparently a behaviorist's failure and an autistic child's functioning fault.

    HAHA at "music related movement rituals". The big secret of course is that the really enjoyable movement rituals don't really require music.

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  7. These things don’t bother Durwood; he has sensory deficiencies.

    Brilliant. The last two paragraphs had me in tears.

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  8. Nothing especially recent about that, except calling it a trench coat. My attachment to precise taxonomy makes me grind my teeth at the strange way that every full-length coat, from camel-hair overcoats to oilskin dusters, has somehow become a 'trench coat.' It's like calling every cat a siamese. Next thing I know I'll be accused of wearing a trench coat when I step outside in my lab coat, which is blue to hide the stains.

    Please don't take it personally that I've succumbed to my socially-inappropriate urge to tell you that. :)

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  9. A fluffy white substance has descended upon my homeland; I make a wish and Kurt Twitters...

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  10. Grafton:
    "Nothing especially recent about that, except calling it a trench coat. My attachment to precise taxonomy makes me grind my teeth at the strange way that every full-length coat ... has somehow become a 'trench coat.' It's like calling every cat a siamese.
    ...
    Please don't take it personally that I've succumbed to my socially-inappropriate urge to tell you that."

    Oh, no, not at all. I share the attachment to precise taxonomy, when I know the relevant terms. In this case I did not.

    Is there a specific term for a full-length, black leather coat of the kind I mistakenly termed a trench coat?

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  11. Squawkers, you are going to look SO fab in a trench coat. (Sorry, Grafton.)

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  12. Is there a specific term for a full-length, black leather coat of the kind I mistakenly termed a trench coat?

    For the purposes of making yourself understood, I'm sure that "black leather trench coat" or "Matrix coat" is good. For making Grafton think you're accurate, well, 'black leather overcoat' will work without baffling others. I think there are at least three different long black leather overcoats in 'The Matrix.' I don't really remember it all that well. The one just like Spike's (In Buffy the Vampire Slayer) is a duster. The skirt of the coat is split in the back so you can sit on a horse and have it cover your legs (against the dust) on either side of the animal. One can say 'duster' to random people and they'll know what you mean. Trinity wears one that's really cut in at the waist and I'd call it a paletot (but that would be utterly confusing because not only does nobody use that term, the woman's overgarment called a paletot is totally different from the men's coat, and what she's wearing is a men's style tailored for female form) or maybe an overfrock. Men don't much wear garments that are cut in at the waist like that now, and the straight overcoat you usually see (Mulder's black wool overcoat, Tony Soprano's one, mine) is a Chesterfield, but you can't call it that because nobody uses that term either. None of these terms address blackness or leatherness and maybe I ought to just be laughed at, because I am applying very outdated coat-names to modern coats that only just happen to look just like the old ones.

    I think Squawkers will look fantastic in any of them, but imagine a classic grey or tan cloth trench coat proper, like Inspector Clouseau or Bogart.

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  13. Surprisingly, it is not easy to find a trench coat, traditional or otherwise, is Squawkers' size. He will be getting a "modern" Japanese version, hip-length, but since it's made for a slightly larger guy, I think it will be full length on him. I'm just hoping it will fit okay and he'll be happy with it. Otherwise, I'll be looking for a good tailor...

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  14. I just saw the comment FW2 left about this post over at Kristina Chew's blog. Apparently I'm being ignorant again and talking about her son. Seems I said somewhere here that he should stay home and like it. I somehow implied all autistic people have the same habits and preferences. I've got to start learning to communicate better. I thought it would be clear I was speaking here from my own experience, which for some reason I assumed was relevent and valid. Oops.

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  15. Are you holding up your sarcasm sign?

    I thought that you said not that he should stay home and like it, but that if he wants to stay home and likes it, that is okay. The expectation that I be sociable, forced socialization, and the punishment of my solitary tendencies was a torment to me as a child.

    It's not like enjoying or not enjoying parties was the whole of this post anyway.

    There are a lot of people who are, for some unfathomable reason, utterly convinced that anything and everything is all about them, so I suppose it is not surprising that you get a NLMC!!! howl when writing about some fairly typical autistic reactions to stuff.

    I am shocked, I tell you, shocked, to discover that the 'Build-a-Bear' people who sell teddy-bear outfits don't have a little trench coat and fedora secret-agent-bear set. Maybe you can find a McGruff the Crime Dog doll and convince him to change careers. Or the bear people do have white lab coats, and a dye job and a belt would trench one up. If the Japanese one doesn't fit and can't be tailored right, that is.

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  16. I am shocked, I tell you, shocked, to discover that the 'Build-a-Bear' people who sell teddy-bear outfits don't have a little trench coat and fedora secret-agent-bear set.

    THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!!!!!!!!!

    :)

    Merry Christmas, Bev. *hugs*

    Happy whatever-you-celebrate-if-you-celebrate-anything-at-this-time-of-year to everyone.

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  17. Sadly, the Build-A-Bear people support Autism Speaks and probably have been convinced by now that trench coats and their wearers are a devastating burden to society and must be eradicated.

    Looking forward to seeing a pic of Squawkers in his new trench coat!

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  18. the Build-A-Bear people support Autism Speaks

    Ugh. Thanks for the warning.

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  19. Sadly, the Build-A-Bear people support Autism Speaks

    This makes me very sad.

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  20. Damn. I was also disgusted to learn about the Build a Bear affiliation. Though they had no trench coat, I was considering some other things from them for Mr. McCaw. Damn.

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  21. I've been whispering names of videogames in bed and smiling because I'm not obligated to do some of the holiday stuff family members feel they have to do. I just stare at the lights and wait for my new games (I like puzzles a lot).

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  22. The holidays have presented interesting challenges for M over the years. This year M stayed home the week before Christmas because the energy at school is just over the top.

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